Some of my favourite Quotations

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)

To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Mark Twain (1835–1910) real name Samuel Langhorne Clemens

“The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not.
We have plenty of messenger boys.”
Sir William Preece, Chief Engineer, British Post Office, 1878

I'm sometimes there before you dare.
I cause a worry or a scare.
When dangers near I’m often here.
You can’t touch me ‘cos I am?
John Hegley (1953 -)

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
Sir Winston Churchill.

Great things are done when men and mountains meet;
This is not done by jostling in the street.
William Blake (1757 1827)

I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.
Bjarne Stronstrup, actress.

Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
William Safire (1929 - )

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen (1935 - )

The great thing about getting older is that the percentage of the opposite sex that you find attractive is roughly proportional to your age.
The worst thing about getting older is that the percentage who find you attractive doesn’t quite work the same way.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
James Magary

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Noel Coward (1899 - 1973)

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.
Nora Ephron

Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.
Niels Bohr (1885 - 1962)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. 
Otto von Bismarck (1815 - 1898)

“We trained hard . . . But it seemed that every time we were beginning to form into teams we would be reorganised . . . a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress, while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation.”
Petronius Arbiter (Roman author)

Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.
Voltaire (1694 - 1778)

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
Franklin P. Jones

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem; it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.
David Friedman

If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727)
Letter to Robert Hooke, February 5, 1675

Honesty is the best image.
Tom Wilson, Ziggy (comic)

Time spent on reconnaissance is never wasted.
The Army

I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.
Daniel Boone - American Pioneer 1734 – 1820

The truth is more important than the facts.
Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959)

If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair.
Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

If there is not a leak in your part of the boat it doesn't mean you are safe.
Arianna Stassinopoulos Huffington

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright (1955 - )

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Martin Luther King Jr
(dedicated to Eric)

Where facts are few, experts are many.
Donald R. Gannon

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642)

History belongs to those who record it.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe German writer and poet 1749-1832

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.
Harlan Ellison (1934 - )

First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for me. And there was nobody left to speak out for me.
Martin Niemöller, German pastor.

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde.

I'm still an atheist, thank God.
Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983)

The scariest place is in your head.

The reverse side also has a reverse side.
Japanese Proverb

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction.
Blaise Pascal

Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.
Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661)

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
Scott Adams, 'The Dilbert Principle'

Both the cockroach and the bird would get along very well without us, although the cockroach would miss us most.
Joseph Wood Krutch (1893 - 1970)

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright (1955 - )

Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them
Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
Sir Winston Churchill

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
Doug Larson

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.
Doug Larson

Getting to the top of a mountain is optional - getting down is compulsory.

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)

Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret
Laurence J. Peter

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.
E. F. Schumacher

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done
Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)

Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working.

'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)

The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Rita Mae Brown

A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
Segal's Law

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Larry Hardiman

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Douglas Adams

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.
English Proverb

Time is not measured by the years we live, but by the deeds we do and the joys we give.
Helen Steiner Rice (1900-1981)

If you want to know what a man is really like, take notice how he acts when he loses money.
New England Proverb


The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Marty Feldman

Lest your tomorrows become, in time, forgotten yesterdays.
Seen on a commemorative plaque for the bicentenary (1792-1992)
of the Clachan Seil Bridge in Scotland.

Camouflage is the art of concealing that something is being concealed.
The 1921 Army Manual of Field Works.

An economist is a man who knows 364 ways of making love,
but doesn’t know any women.
Geoffrey Howe, Lord Howe of Aberavon (1926 -)

I fly, slip by, get wasted, what am I?
John Hegley (1953 -)

The only way not to fail is not to do anything.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides
Carl Sagan - from his book Billions and Billions

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Yogi Berra (1925 - )

News is what someone wants to suppress. Everything else is advertising.
Reuven Frank, former head of NBC News,
quoted in the Economist, 21 January 2006

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. 
Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)

Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
Putt's Law

A man with his head in the oven and his feet in the fridge is on average OK: in reality he's dead.
A statisticians' joke

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
George Santayana.
Soliloquies in England, 1922, "War Shrines"

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker, (attributed)

It is bad luck to be superstitious.
Andrew W. Mathis

A rumour without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
John Tudor

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi, (attributed)

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. 
Voltaire (1694 - 1778)

"They say hard work never killed anyone, but I figured why take the risk?"
Ronald Reagan

Without my spectacles where would I be?
I’d probably be standing here but I’d have a job to see properly.
John Hegley - poet laureate of specs wearers.

The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Douglas Adams

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971)

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

Never eat more than you can lift.
Miss Piggy

Spare no expense to save money on this one.
Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974)

The average person thinks he isn't.
Father Larry Lorenzoni

What's another word for Thesaurus? 
Steven Wright

Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.
Sir Richard Francis Burton

What if this weren't a hypothetical question?

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.
Michel de Montaigne (1553 - 1592)

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news.
Gloria Borger

For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong
H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956), Mencken's Metalaw

I'll build that bridge when I come to it.
Dedicated to Charlie, whose current motto is 'Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off till the day after.'

We may not have much control over the length of our lives but we can improve it's width and depth.

Add life to our days and not days to our life.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers (1879-1935, American Humorist, Actor) 

I have never been attracted to any kind of violence. I even refused to join the Girl Guides because they wore uniforms.
Kate Adie ~ Journalist and Broadcaster

He who asks is a fool for five minutes but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Old Chinese saying

It takes no more time to be courteous than to be rude.
Ann Landers  (1918-, American Advice Columnist)

(OBOE). Any worthwhile expedition can be organised "On the Back Of an Envelope"
Major Bill Tilman (explorer and mountaineer)

No matter what a man's past may have been, his future is spotless.
John R. Rice

Waiting until everything is perfect before making a move is like waiting to start a trip until all the traffic lights are green.
Karen Ireland

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Derek Bok - American Academic

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.
Seneca (BC 3-65 AD, Roman Philosopher, Dramatist, Statesman)

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
Josh Billings (1815-1885, American Humorist, Lecturer)

The woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except those who sang best.
Bernard Meltzer (1914-, American Law Professor)

When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters - one represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963, Thirty-fifth President of the USA)

Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good.
Ann Landers (1918-, American Advice Columnist)

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
Father James Keller

Get down on your knees and thank God you're still on your feet.
Irish proverb

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
Confucius (BC 551-479, Chinese Ethical Teacher, Philosopher)

The highest reward for a man's toil is not what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it.
John Ruskin ~ (1819-1900, British Critic, Social Theorist)

Turning it over in your mind won't plough the field.
Irish Proverb

The secret of success is to make your vocation your vacation.
Mark Twain (1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer)

The trouble is: If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong (1942-, American Author)

Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
Winston Churchill (1874-1965, British Prime Minister)

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680, French Classical Writer)

If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased. 
Katharine Hepburn (1907-, American Actress)

We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them. 
William Arthur Ward

The richest man in the world is not the one who still has the first dollar he has ever earned. It's the man who still has his best friend.
Martha Mason

There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else.
Peyton Conway March

Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.
Corrie Ten Boom

How a man plays the game shows something of his character, how he loses shows all of it.
Author Unknown